Let Me
A Poem
Oct 10, 2019 · 2 min read (With permission translated into Afrikaans)
Photo by Evelyn Chong from Pexels
https://youtu.be/mF3DCa4TbD0
Darkness descended,
No warning and just like that,
Sucked in,
enveloped, swallowed, devoured.
Couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak,
Lungs devoid of air.
Couldn’t think, function, and I felt,
Sanity, seeping through the cracks.
I want to smash, hurl, things,
to the wall, on the ground.
I want to roar, scream, shout.
Opened my mouth,
I heard nothing but silence.
Drained, spent, beaten,
I sat and watched myself,
broke, inside out,
Shredded into pieces.
I was fighting a lost battle,
And I, caved, acquiesced.
I let myself go,
Into the blackness, the gaping hole.
Breathless, choking with sorrow.
Relented, embraced my sadness,
I took it all in.
Dispersed, infused, diluted,
In my blood, in my bones, in my veins.
I need to, I want to, I have to,
feel.
So I let myself be.
Cried, grieved, mourned,
For what was lost,
Love, life, alternate reality.
I have to,
need to,
Purge my soul,
I clean my head.
So I let me,
As you should, too,
cried, wept, wailed.
When there’s,
No more tears left to shed,
When there’s,
No more fight went, inside,
I found myself, on the other side,
freed.
Author’s note: Been having those days lately. You know. Those days, when every little thing just triggers something inside us, and we feel emotions, feelings, tears, bunching, arising, fighting, trying to force their way out and I,
I had been fighting back.
I had fought hard. A bloody battle I knew I would never win and still, I gave it a good try.
I should have known better. I should have just let it be. Sit with voices, listen to the stories, take them in, breathe and let them through.
The battle was lost, and there I sat in the dark, with my earphones on, trying to block the voice inside my head, while I choked with sadness, silently crying, gripping my duvet hard until my knuckles turned white.
And I let go. I let it all out. All the pent-up emotions and tears I’ve held on to for the last few days,
I gave them space and freed them.
Now, I feel…
I am emotionally cleansed.
And I
I found myself breathing again.
Laat My
Gedig: Agnes Louis
https://youtu.be/U6PUNYbhrWE
Donkerte het my omvou,
geen waarskuwing nie en net so, Ek is ingesuig,
omhul, ingesluk, verteer.
Asemloos, en spraakloos, my longe sonder lug.
Ek kon nie funksioneer nie, maar het tog gevoel,
gesonde verstand, dring deur die krake.
Ek wil dinge,
Teen die muur, op die grond gooi
Ek wil, brul, gil, skree.
My mond oopmaak,
Maar ervaar niks anders as stilte nie.
Gedreineer, moeg, vuisfoos, het ek myself ervaar,
binne-buite gebreek, in stukke gesnipper.
Ek het ‘n verlore stryd geveg,
En ek het ingegee, aan die ontvangkant.
Myself laat gaan,
In die donker gapende gat.
Asemloos, verstik van hartseer.
Ek het alles ingeneem.
Verspreid, verdun, in my bloed, in my bene,
in my are.
Ek moet, Ek wil, Ek sal,
voel.
Ek het myself toegelaat.
Om te huil, ek was bedroef, treurig, vir wat verlore was,
die liefde, lewe, alternatiewe werklikheid.
Ek moet, ek sal my siel reinig,
My kop skoon maak.
So laat my toe, soos jy ook moet,
om te huil en te ween. Wanneer daar,
nie meer trane oor is, om te verspil nie, Wanneer daar,
geen haat binne oor is nie, Ek het myself gevind,
aan die ander kant,
bevry.
Skrywer se aantekening: Ek het die afgelope tyd die donker dae beleef. Jy weet. Daardie dae, wanneer elke klein dingetjie iets in ons ontlont, en ons emosies, gevoelens, trane, teenstand, opstaan, haat, wat uitbreek en ek,
Ek het teruggeveg.
Ek het hard geveg, bloedige stryd wat ek geweet het dat ek nooit sou wen nie, en tog het ek dit probeer. Ek moes van beter geweet het. Ek moes dit daar gelaat het. Ek moes na die stories geluister het, asem gehaal het en dit deur gelaat het.
Die geveg was verlore, en ek sit, in die donker, met my oorfone aan, en probeer om die stem in my kop stil te maak, hartseer verstik en stil gehuil, my duvet gedruk totdat my kneukels wit geword het.
En ek het alles laat gaan, alles uit gelaat. Die opgehoue emosies en trane waaraan ek die laaste paar dae vasgeklou het,
Ek het hulle ruimte gegee en hulle bevry.
Nou is ek emosioneel gesuiwer.
En ek haal weer asem.
